Last weekend, I had the pleasure of attending the Love and Fidelity Network's 3rd Annual Intercollegiate Conference on Marriage, Family, and Sexual Integrity. It was fantastic.
I love conferences. When people ask me what I want to do when I grow up, I say I want to change the world by restoring a marriage culture.
When they ask me how, I say through conferences.
Academic and family advocacy conferences are much more than a dissemination of information, although they are effective at that. They are much more than a gathering of academic experts and student leaders that are committed to change the world, although they are that as well.
The most important aspect of conferences, in my opinion, is that Conferences create community. They bring together people from every background and experience, and create a common experience. And for a few precious hours, we are pulled out of our too-busy-to-make-time-for-important-things life, and spend time with others who are committed to the same ideals we are. And the power of community and shared-vision is endless. The effects are long-lasting and, I am convinced, will change the world with the ideas, thoughts, and momentum they instigate.
Together we revel in and cling to our "outdated" ideas about the importance of marriage and family to society, and the centrality of sexual integrity to the flourishing of the human family. And this creates a great momentum, a ripple effect that will reverberate throughout individual lives, schools, and generations. Welcome to the marriage movement.
The marriage movement is a youth movement. I just read a pessimistic pole today about how nearly 40% of Americans say marriage is becoming obsolete. Among the demographic of 18-29 year-olds, the percentage shoots up to 44%. But guess what. That means that a majority of young adults think that marriage is important! (Why don't those newsflashes make the headlines?).
I am convinced that it is our generation of young adults that will make or brake the upcoming decisions about marriage in American. We are coming of age now, determined to change the world, and ready to act. Well, if you're waiting for an invitation, consider this it. It is up to us. It is on our shoulders to change the world. And we can. One life at a time.
Some highlights from the Love and Fidelity Conference:
Jason Carroll, a professor at BYU (and one of my thesis committee members) spoke on the need for friendship as the foundation for romantic relationships. He pointed out that we no longer live in a culture that postures for marriage, but rather a divorce-preparation culture. He emphasized that marriage is a formative institution wherein individuals best learn and grow, not the capstone of personal development. He touched on the need for the development of friendship and restraint of sexual behavior to form healthy relationships.
Christine Kim (my supervisor at the Heritage Foundation) presented a slew of findings on the decline of marriage in society, and other demographic trends, such as contraceptive use, and marriage rates among different educational demographics.
Dr. Donald Hilton, neuroscientist at University of Texas, spoke about the science of pornography addiction, and how it is undermining masculinity and men's achievement levels in society.
My favorite new addition this year was the student break-out sessions, where student leaders were able to share their experience with campus advocacy, along with their challenges and successes. This proved to be extremely motivating to hear from other peers. While the bar for involvement and impact was set high by leaders like Alisa Rogers and Casey Gleave, students also felt empowered to go forward and follow in their foot steps.
Of course my hero, Robert George, just popped in for a quick impromptu 20-minute lecture about the importance of gathering and standing up against wrong ideas. I love these people. I am so grateful for the strength they provide, and the shoulders for us to stand on.
If you would like recordings of any of these sessions, stay tuned, as most were recorded by the Love and Fidelity Network.
Thanks again for a wonderful venue and opportunity for learning, mentoring, and friendship.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
The Importance of Gathering
In other breaking news, I'll be going out to the East Coast again this week to attend an advocacy conference and check in with the Heritage Foundation and the Institute for American Values.
I'm extremely excited to attend the 3rd Annual Love and Fidelity Network Conference on Sexuality, Integrity and the University this week, with some of the most famous Stand for the Family advocates joining me.
I'll be attending the conference in beautiful Princeton University in new Jersey, and blogging on ideas and updates from there.
Stay tuned for more information!
I'm extremely excited to attend the 3rd Annual Love and Fidelity Network Conference on Sexuality, Integrity and the University this week, with some of the most famous Stand for the Family advocates joining me.
I'll be attending the conference in beautiful Princeton University in new Jersey, and blogging on ideas and updates from there.
Stay tuned for more information!
Monday, November 8, 2010
The Human Longing for Belonging
Well, so much for my aspirations of having regular posts on this blog. But it will happen. The storm is still gathering.
However, I want write a quick post on attachment theory, and the human longing for belonging.
I feel strongly that human beings are more interconnected and interrelated than most people will probably ever comprehend. We are not independent creatures. For some reason, I see and feel this need in the world with great clarity.
This is probably the principle that I feel the most strongly about: We need each other, in specific ways. Every man needs a wife. Every woman needs a husband. Parents need children. And every child needs parents. This is the universal pattern for human flourishing.
In addition, I feel we have a special stewardship for each other, especially those whom our lives happen to intersect with. I just re-read one of my favorite religious quotes on the importance of human relationships.
Neal A Maxwell says, "Each of us has circles of friendships, and within those lie the portion of the human family whom God has given us to love, to serve, and to learn from. You and I may call these intersectings "coincidence." This word is understandable for mortals to use, but coincidence is not an appropriate word to describe the workings of an omniscient God. He does not do things by "coincidence" but instead by "divine design."
While I believe this religiously, more and more scientific evidence is also beginning to recognize the tangible need for human beings to be loved, and connected to one another in physical space and time.
What is interesting is where human beings turn for substitutes, when they lack the meaningful and permanent relationships of healthy families and marriages. Human beings always need community and family; it's just a matter of where they seek to find these connections.
I think in many instances, corporate culture and relationships have mimicked and replaced a family culture. The government tries to step in as the proverbial mother and father of every child. School teachers are expected to be substitute parents.
My friend and colleague, Ryan Messmore, crafted an artful piece on this.
But in many instances, I think we just end up being alone. In our Western culture, we use the pseudonym, "independent" to describe this state. If we feel lonely in our independence, we are seen as weak. However, scientifically speaking, just the opposite is true.
The book, Bowling Alone, by Robert Putnam, Loneliness by John Cacioppo and William Patrick have fueled my thoughts on this, along with a 30-year longitudinal study of the impact of attachment disorder in the book "The Development of the Person" by Alan Sroufe and colleagues.
Based on John T. Cacioppo’s research at the University of Chicago’s Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience, the physiological and psychological effects of chronic perceived loneliness on health and functioning are severe.
Relying on brain imaging, analysis of blood pressure, immune response, stress hormones, behavior, and even gene expression, Cacioppo’s research shows that human beings are meant to be intertwined and interdependent to achieve human flourishing.
In evolutionary psychology, the desire to be connected to others and to a community is a primal instinct of safety and protection. Loneliness creates a defensive social cognition framework, wherein an individual feels constantly threatened or insecure, not being connected to or embedded in a community. This releases constant stress hormones (cortisol) that accelerates aging and weakens the immune system significantly over time. Being separated from the pack is a serious danger, often resulting in death be predators.
In real time, the release of stress hormones when an individual is not connected to a community or family impacts and impedes human functioning in almost every way.
Chronic loneliness predicts the progression of Alzheimer's disease, and can actually impair the DNA transcription process in the immune system.
Loneliness impairs the ability of the brain to function and maintain focus and attention. Even temporary experiences of loneliness predict significantly worse performance in reading accuracy, logical reasoning, and problem solving perseverance.
With one scientific finding after another, Loneliness makes a compelling scientific case that the culture of Individualism creates isolation and a disconnect that humans are not hard-wired to handle.
It's almost as if we are supposed to be rooted in a fundamental pack of relationships that keep us safe, both physically and emotionally.
If only the government or corporations could figure out a way to do some social engineering and channel our interactions into those kinds of relationships...
Hope you caught my deep sarcasm on that.
However, I want write a quick post on attachment theory, and the human longing for belonging.
I feel strongly that human beings are more interconnected and interrelated than most people will probably ever comprehend. We are not independent creatures. For some reason, I see and feel this need in the world with great clarity.
This is probably the principle that I feel the most strongly about: We need each other, in specific ways. Every man needs a wife. Every woman needs a husband. Parents need children. And every child needs parents. This is the universal pattern for human flourishing.
In addition, I feel we have a special stewardship for each other, especially those whom our lives happen to intersect with. I just re-read one of my favorite religious quotes on the importance of human relationships.
Neal A Maxwell says, "Each of us has circles of friendships, and within those lie the portion of the human family whom God has given us to love, to serve, and to learn from. You and I may call these intersectings "coincidence." This word is understandable for mortals to use, but coincidence is not an appropriate word to describe the workings of an omniscient God. He does not do things by "coincidence" but instead by "divine design."
While I believe this religiously, more and more scientific evidence is also beginning to recognize the tangible need for human beings to be loved, and connected to one another in physical space and time.
What is interesting is where human beings turn for substitutes, when they lack the meaningful and permanent relationships of healthy families and marriages. Human beings always need community and family; it's just a matter of where they seek to find these connections.
I think in many instances, corporate culture and relationships have mimicked and replaced a family culture. The government tries to step in as the proverbial mother and father of every child. School teachers are expected to be substitute parents.
My friend and colleague, Ryan Messmore, crafted an artful piece on this.
But in many instances, I think we just end up being alone. In our Western culture, we use the pseudonym, "independent" to describe this state. If we feel lonely in our independence, we are seen as weak. However, scientifically speaking, just the opposite is true.
The book, Bowling Alone, by Robert Putnam, Loneliness by John Cacioppo and William Patrick have fueled my thoughts on this, along with a 30-year longitudinal study of the impact of attachment disorder in the book "The Development of the Person" by Alan Sroufe and colleagues.
Based on John T. Cacioppo’s research at the University of Chicago’s Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience, the physiological and psychological effects of chronic perceived loneliness on health and functioning are severe.
Relying on brain imaging, analysis of blood pressure, immune response, stress hormones, behavior, and even gene expression, Cacioppo’s research shows that human beings are meant to be intertwined and interdependent to achieve human flourishing.
In evolutionary psychology, the desire to be connected to others and to a community is a primal instinct of safety and protection. Loneliness creates a defensive social cognition framework, wherein an individual feels constantly threatened or insecure, not being connected to or embedded in a community. This releases constant stress hormones (cortisol) that accelerates aging and weakens the immune system significantly over time. Being separated from the pack is a serious danger, often resulting in death be predators.
In real time, the release of stress hormones when an individual is not connected to a community or family impacts and impedes human functioning in almost every way.
Chronic loneliness predicts the progression of Alzheimer's disease, and can actually impair the DNA transcription process in the immune system.
Loneliness impairs the ability of the brain to function and maintain focus and attention. Even temporary experiences of loneliness predict significantly worse performance in reading accuracy, logical reasoning, and problem solving perseverance.
With one scientific finding after another, Loneliness makes a compelling scientific case that the culture of Individualism creates isolation and a disconnect that humans are not hard-wired to handle.
It's almost as if we are supposed to be rooted in a fundamental pack of relationships that keep us safe, both physically and emotionally.
If only the government or corporations could figure out a way to do some social engineering and channel our interactions into those kinds of relationships...
Hope you caught my deep sarcasm on that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)